Things I Miss Most About Being Pregnant

If I’m being honest, I never thought I’d miss being pregnant.

I hated it, a lot of the time. Or at least I thought I did at the time. It was so much harder than I expected the second time around, I assume partly due to my age and the fact that I was pregnant with twins.

Whatever the reason though, I disliked it a lot. Then a few months passed and I thought I wanted to experience it again…or more accurately I wanted to experience it better than what I’d just been through. That was a hard feeling to process. 

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Now that it’s been a while, I think I miss it.

Am I crazy?

Ok, don’t answer that.

I have no plans to get pregnant again. Ever. The other half and I have agreed that we’re done. Three kids is a lot of kids and we don’t need more. Not at our age, and not after having twins.

But every once in a while I get almost sad about that.

It doesn’t quite make sense to me. I was miserable while I was pregnant, and I do not enjoy having babies in the house so what is going on in this brain of mine?

My best guess is that because my pregnancy was cut short (since I was induced at 34 weeks) a small part of me feels robbed of those last few weeks. I also suspect part of it is because my pregnancy was so filled with worry, concern, and constant monitoring of the babies’ growth, I didn’t really get the chance to relax and enjoy it. I was constantly scared. Then they arrived and I was so busy and tired (and still scared,) that I had no time to even think about everything that has transpired over the last couple of years.

I’m still very tired. And busy. And scared. But now at least I think I’m at the point where I can look back fondly on the incredible experience I had growing two entirely new humans in my body at once.

Things I Miss About Being Pregnant:

Baby kicks/fetal movement in general. It hurt sometimes…actually no, scratch that, it hurt a lot of the time. But it was also amazing. It was especially cool getting a sense of the baby’s personalities and how they moved differently. My favourite part was putting my hand on a part of my belly and feeling them push back against it.

Getting huge. I am one of those (formerly)pregnant women who thinks getting bigger is awesome. I loved having a big belly (most of the time) and even though I was so uncomfortable I still thought it was amazing. I absolutely would not stop touching it and taking pictures of it. There were a few minor “I’m HUGE!” meltdowns (hormones are fun) but for the most part, I thought the size of my belly was pretty cool.

The excitement of knowing they were on the way. When I wasn’t terrified about any number of things that I don’t really want to mention right now, just the knowledge that I was expecting twins was pretty exciting especially since I had all but given up on the idea that I might ever have any more kids. It’s pretty funny that the universe made me wait so long and then gave me two at once.

Surprising people by telling them I was carrying twins. One of my favourite pregnancy stories is when we ran into a very young girl in a bathroom and she cried “Mommy! She has a baby in her belly!” and I told her, “Actually I have TWO babies in my belly.” and her eyes got huge and she started repeating, almost like a chant, “TWO babies! Two babies in her belly! Two babies!”

I had so many negative experiences during my pregnancy, it’s nice sometimes to look back on the positive ones. I wish I’d been able to see these more clearly in the moment, but I’m happy to find joy in them now.

Leave me a comment and let me know if you have any favourite parts of pregnancy.

Finding Out I’m Carrying Mono-di Twins, What That Means and How It changes Pregnancy

(Feature photo by Edwin Ariel Valladares from Pexels)

When I recently found out I’m pregnant, it was a pretty big shock. Only because of how long it took to get pregnant and I had somewhat given up, of course, not because I’m somehow unaware of how babies are made. Finding out shortly after that I was expecting twins was a…well double shock I guess you could say. The surprises were going to keep coming of course as I quickly learned that when it comes to twin pregnancies, things can be drastically different compared to singleton pregnancies. So even if you’ve had babies before and think, “I know what to expect,” there’s a very good chance that No, no you don’t know what to expect.

Mono-Di Twins?

The next unexpected bit of news that came along was at my first appointment with my new OB, when he informed me that it turns out my twins are what is called monochorionic diamniotic twins (mono-di or MCDA twins) which essentially means they are each in their own sac, but sharing a placenta. This can come with it’s own set of complications, the main one that was explained to me is the risk of something called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.

I’m going to pause here briefly to state I am in no way a medical professional or an expert on this topic in any way shape or form. Everything I write here is purely what I have learned from my own searching, paired with some of what my doctor told me and wrapped up in a little bow of my own feelings and experiences. I make no assurances that any of this is completely accurate at all. I strongly advise anyone dealing with this same issue, or even just curious, to seek out their own information from a reliable source as this blog is meant to be a collection of my thoughts and experiences, and should not be mistaken as containing medical advice or medical knowledge.

What is Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome?

How I understand it, Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) is essentially an imbalance in the nutrients each twin is receiving via the placenta. One twin (the donor twin) gives away more than it receives and the other twin (the recipient twin) receives too much, and so both twins are at a risk of various complications.

That’s the most simple version. I could elaborate but to be completely honest going into all the various scenarios makes me feel a little uncomfortable. As I stated above, I encourage anyone curious to know more to seek out details from a more reputable source to get the full picture.

So What Does This Mean For This Pregnancy?

One big change this causes for this pregnancy compared to when I was pregnant with my daughter is that this one needs to be monitored a LOT more. When I was pregnant with my daughter I had a grand total of two ultrasounds. With this pregnancy I’ve already had three, and I have two more booked, and there will likely be several more in our future. Pretty much every two weeks, I need to have another ultrasound. Basically they need to be able to keep a close eye on the twins to ensure they’re growing at the same rate and to watch for signs of TTTS or various other complications.

Carrying these types of twins also can potentially require more specialized care. Being pregnant with twins at all is often enough to put the pregnancy in the “High Risk” category from what I understand. But adding this into the mix means we’re definitely there. I had to be referred to a different OB more specialized to handle delivering twins, as well as another specialist focused on high risk pregnancies. In the last week I’ve been getting multiple calls a day to schedule various appointments at multiple different places and it definitely made my head spin a little. Unfortunately for me, all of this new medical support team aren’t actually located in the town I live in but rather the nearest large city so I’ll be doing some commuting to ensure these babies are safe. Absolutely worth it of course, but definitely something I wasn’t expecting.

On the plus side, I should get very familiar with the hospital I will eventually have to deliver at, so that’s nice.

Twins often come early. I did a bit of Googling and found that about 36 weeks is the average pregnancy length with twins. If the twins start showing signs of TTTS, one of the potential courses of action is to deliver early. There’s no definitive answer on how early as it’s all entirely dependent on how the babies continue to grow, but there is a good chance my Expected in October babies might just grace us with their presence sometime in September instead.

Obviously early delivery can also result in it’s own set of unexpected issues such as longer hospital stays or various health issues and concerns. I’ve basically already come to terms with the fact that I will very likely need a c-section and that the babies might need to stay at the hospital longer than expected. Neither of those things make me particularly happy but I’m realistic enough to know that it’s a possibility and if that’s what it comes down to, there’s a valid reason why it’s necessary and I’m ok with that.

There Is No Need To Panic

When I first heard all of this, I will admit I did start to panic. I was so scared and completely overwhelmed, especially for all these new details, concerns, risks, specialists and appointments. I’ve since done some (A LOT of) reading and I’ve found a lot of great articles and resources that reassured my fears somewhat. I discovered that the chance of both babies being perfectly fine and healthy is much higher than I had originally thought, and that was very comforting. Additionally, the sheer fact that the twins are going to be monitored as much as they are makes me feel pretty hopeful that we’re all going to be in good hands and well cared for.

I have yet to meet any of these new medical professionals I’ll surely be getting to know very well over the next several months, but I’m choosing to be optimistic about the whole thing. There’s really not much else I can do to take charge of the situation, and I happen to believe in the power of positive thinking at least to a certain degree.

Links To Some Of The Articles I Read (if you’d like to learn more)

Columbia University Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology explaining what monochorionic diamniotic twins are.

This comprehensive guide and information of all things related to Mono-Di twins and TTTS (and other conditions I found over on Wiley’s Obstetrics and Gynecology Hub.

Leave a comment if you’d like and let me know your thoughts. I’d especially love hearing from other twin parents who might have encouraging stories to share.

Stay safe everyone!

Pregnant After 10+ YEARS of (Secondary) Infertility

(The featured image for this post is by RODNAE Productions from Pexels)

Oh boy.

(Or girl. We really don’t know yet…) 

I have written a little bit about my experience with secondary infertility. Well, to be totally honest I’ve written a lot about it, but I’ve only actually shared a fairly small amount. Some of it has often felt too personal to share (even though I definitely believe in talking more openly about this topic so we can all do what we can to help remove the stigma,) and a lot of what I’ve written personally is still in a state that just doesn’t feel finished enough to publish anywhere. 

But it’s no secret that I’ve struggled to conceive for a very long time. The short & simple version is that I unexpectedly got pregnant when I was 23 and went on to have my daughter in 2007. I never imagined that I’d have issues getting pregnant again (I barely even understood that infertility was an actual thing at that point, as it wasn’t really something I had even heard many people talking about prior to this) and I sort of arrogantly assumed that having more babies would be easy. I was very wrong about that. Painfully, embarrassingly, soul crushingly wrong. 

Fast forward over the next nearly 14 years, and month after month of high hopes followed by crushing disappointment. Tracking, and trying various natural fertility boosting methods and just being obsessed with this topic in general. I had basically given up. 

Then around Valentines Day this year I started to get a feeling. Something just felt…different. I can’t even recall now what specifically felt different but there was something. So I took a test. 

And it was positive.

And over the next few days I took a few more tests, and they all kept coming up positive. 

To say I was in disbelief would be an understatement. If I’m being completely honest I still have a hard time believing it’s actually happening, despite the exhaustion and the horrible nausea I experienced through all of the first trimester that should make me feel pretty sure.

It’s a surreal feeling, one that comes with a great deal of complicated emotions and anxiety. Every slight twinge of discomfort makes me panic and I spend more time than I care to admit worrying. It’s also been so long since I’ve gone through this that everything feels new and unfamiliar again. What are the rules of what I can eat or can’t eat? How much weight should I be gaining? And so on and so on.

Adding to all of that is the fact that this pregnancy genuinely is so much different than before because of one huge thing: I’m carrying twins. Yep, when I went for my first ultrasound to confirm how far along I was, the tech pointed out that there were actually two babies in there. Which means that almost everything I might have known to expect based on my previous pregnancy can be tossed straight out the window. Everything from starting to show, to feeling movement is likely to happen a lot sooner with twins than single pregnancies (especially if it’s not your first pregnancy.) I can’t even be confident that I know what to expect when it comes time to deliver, never mind caring for two newborns at once.

If I sound nervous, it’s because I am. But I’m also extremely happy and so thankful for this experience. It’s been a long wait to get to this point, and a part of me honestly thought it would never happen so I’m grateful for it even while being nervous.

I’m going to wrap this up now, as I feel like I have rambled on long enough.

Leave me a comment if you’ve gone through something similar, in any way at all. Maybe you have twins, or also got pregnant after a long stretch of trying. Do you have kids with a very large age gap, or were you raised with one and have some comforting stories to share? I’d love to hear from you. And if you are someone who wants to be a parent but are still waiting for your good news, please know you’re in my thoughts and I’m sending so much positive energy your way in hopes that you will be celebrating very soon! ❤