Things I Miss Most About Being Pregnant

If I’m being honest, I never thought I’d miss being pregnant.

I hated it, a lot of the time. Or at least I thought I did at the time. It was so much harder than I expected the second time around, I assume partly due to my age and the fact that I was pregnant with twins.

Whatever the reason though, I disliked it a lot. Then a few months passed and I thought I wanted to experience it again…or more accurately I wanted to experience it better than what I’d just been through. That was a hard feeling to process. 

Click to read my article on Medium.com

Now that it’s been a while, I think I miss it.

Am I crazy?

Ok, don’t answer that.

I have no plans to get pregnant again. Ever. The other half and I have agreed that we’re done. Three kids is a lot of kids and we don’t need more. Not at our age, and not after having twins.

But every once in a while I get almost sad about that.

It doesn’t quite make sense to me. I was miserable while I was pregnant, and I do not enjoy having babies in the house so what is going on in this brain of mine?

My best guess is that because my pregnancy was cut short (since I was induced at 34 weeks) a small part of me feels robbed of those last few weeks. I also suspect part of it is because my pregnancy was so filled with worry, concern, and constant monitoring of the babies’ growth, I didn’t really get the chance to relax and enjoy it. I was constantly scared. Then they arrived and I was so busy and tired (and still scared,) that I had no time to even think about everything that has transpired over the last couple of years.

I’m still very tired. And busy. And scared. But now at least I think I’m at the point where I can look back fondly on the incredible experience I had growing two entirely new humans in my body at once.

Things I Miss About Being Pregnant:

Baby kicks/fetal movement in general. It hurt sometimes…actually no, scratch that, it hurt a lot of the time. But it was also amazing. It was especially cool getting a sense of the baby’s personalities and how they moved differently. My favourite part was putting my hand on a part of my belly and feeling them push back against it.

Getting huge. I am one of those (formerly)pregnant women who thinks getting bigger is awesome. I loved having a big belly (most of the time) and even though I was so uncomfortable I still thought it was amazing. I absolutely would not stop touching it and taking pictures of it. There were a few minor “I’m HUGE!” meltdowns (hormones are fun) but for the most part, I thought the size of my belly was pretty cool.

The excitement of knowing they were on the way. When I wasn’t terrified about any number of things that I don’t really want to mention right now, just the knowledge that I was expecting twins was pretty exciting especially since I had all but given up on the idea that I might ever have any more kids. It’s pretty funny that the universe made me wait so long and then gave me two at once.

Surprising people by telling them I was carrying twins. One of my favourite pregnancy stories is when we ran into a very young girl in a bathroom and she cried “Mommy! She has a baby in her belly!” and I told her, “Actually I have TWO babies in my belly.” and her eyes got huge and she started repeating, almost like a chant, “TWO babies! Two babies in her belly! Two babies!”


I had so many negative experiences during my pregnancy, it’s nice sometimes to look back on the positive ones. I wish I’d been able to see these more clearly in the moment, but I’m happy to find joy in them now.


Leave me a comment and let me know if you have any favourite parts of pregnancy.

My Current Favourite Things as a Mom of Twins

Below is a list of the various products I’m currently loving as a mom with twin babies. A lot of it is fairly generic things (helloooo diapers!) but it’s the stuff I find I just can’t do without lately.

If you’re interested in purchasing any of the items I recommend below, you can click the picture to do so. Please note if you do, that these are affiliate links and I may get a small percentage of the cost of your purchase.


Diapers

Diapers are obviously one of the most essential things when you have a baby, and when you have 2 babies you go through a lot of diapers. I find Pampers Baby Dry gives us the most bang for our buck, and I prefer the style and fit much more than other brands that I’ve tried.

Bottles

We combo feed, and when the girls get bottles, these are the ones we’re loving. I like the shape of them much more than a lot of other bottles and they’re very easy to clean.

Earplugs

I mentioned wearing earplugs around my babies in a mom group on Facebook and got roasted for “ignoring my babies!” but here’s the thing: kids are noisy. And earplugs don’t make you deaf, they simply take the edge off sharp or loud noises so you can preserve your sanity (and protect your hearing of course) which makes it easier to be a good mom when suffering from sensory overload.

Silicone Breast Pump

I have an electric pump that was a gift from an incredible family member and I love it so much. But I can’t always strap myself in for a good pumping session…especially lately as the babies have decided they are jealous of the damn thing! These silicone pumps are a great alternative when you need to pump breastmilk, can’t be bothered with a traditional manual pump and don’t have the time to use the electric version.

Aussie 3 Min Miracle

This isn’t really a baby thing but it’s a MOM thing, at least for this mom. I’m desperate to keep my long hair and not need to resort to a cropped Mom Cut, and without this stuff I wouldn’t even be able to get a comb through my hair most days. It’s so knotted almost all the time, tossed up in a messy bun and neglected or tangled up in grabby baby hands, but this stuff seriously is a miracle and makes my hair somewhat manageable when I’m finally able to try to tame it.

Prenatal Vitamins

I’m a huge brat and can’t handle vitamins unless they’re gummies. But it gets worse! I’m also an even bigger brat and am extremely picky about the specific texture of said gummies. These ones are perfect and the only ones I’ve found that I will consistently take because I like them. And yes, I am taking prenatals still, because of breastfeeding.

VTech Magic Star Learning Table

This toy is perfect for our girls right now because they’re learning to stand by pulling up on furniture, so it gives them something fun to do while they’re standing. I’m already sick of the songs, but it’s worth it.

Banana Teether

I swear our babies have been teething since day one, they’re constantly chewing and drooling all over everything and their cheeks are super red more often than not. Of all the things they grab to chew, these seem to be the favourite, so much so that they will fight over them and steal them from each other.


(Motherhood in Progress is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.ca)

Breastfeeding Woes

Breastfeeding is hard.

I wrote an article HERE on Medium about how much breastfeeding sucks. Because at the time…it sucked.

Since writing that, I also started working on a piece about how amazing breastfeeding is. Because it is, even when it sometimes sucks. There are also beautiful, incredibly precious moments. And sometimes those moments are never so clear as they are when you think they’re going to be taken away from you.

Let me explain:

From day one, my twins were mostly breastfed. I say “mostly” because they were born 6 weeks early and spent the first 2 weeks of their life in the NICU where they were fed a combination of donor milk, my pumped milk, formula, and of course I also breastfed when I was there with them. For the first bit, they were fed via tube when not nursing, then eventually went on to bottle feeds during the end of their NICU stay. 

We were really lucky, I have to admit, because the girls both breastfed amazingly straight away. Twin B latched within 30 minutes of being delivered and remained that way for nearly an hour, while her sister had to get whisked off to the NICU straight away and didn’t get a chance to try until a few hours later after I got some rest. But once she got her chance, we had almost no problems at all.

I did struggle a bit with learning how to position both babies on my own to tandem feed,  especially while they were so new and small and fragile, but we eventually figured it out. At home, before they were able to join us, I was pumping as much as possible and was actually getting a decent amount each session. I brought most of it to the NICU for immediate use and began building a freezer stash for when they got home. I was optimistic that I’d be able to exclusively breastfeed both babies once they came home.

And for a while, I did.

As time went on, I battled a couple rounds of mastitis and developed an aversion to tandem feeding. I grew to hate the sensation of having 2 people attached to my body at once. The fact that I was struggling with some PPD/PPA at the time didn’t exactly help, and I felt smothered and uncomfortable. I wanted to quit breastfeeding.

We burned through my pumped milk stash in the freezer in a matter of days. I was never adding to it because pumping when you’re constantly holding babies (in the early days they would only contact nap, but that’s another story) is basically impossible. 

I bought product after product, in hopes that it would help in some way. Some did. Others were a waste of money. Scratch that, most were a waste of money. 

I started giving the twins formula, which I had given my first daughter and which I have nothing against AT ALL, yet I felt like a failure anyways.

Then the boob strikes started.

The babies decided they hated being nursed at the same time. They would scream and cry any time I tried to position them in the traditional “football hold” position for tandem feeding.

If one baby was already in position and contentedly nursing, her sister’s crying would inevitably disturb her and make her stop eating and join in the crying as well. I switched to nursing one at a time while trying to keep the other content long enough so her sister could finish. It was draining in more ways than one.

Part of the problem was that I “stupidly” decided to forgo a twin nursing pillow and just purchased a regular one. For me, this was a huge mistake. Other twin moms I’ve spoken to said they didn’t use a nursing pillow at all and to them, I say: “HOW you magical, glorious woman?! Teach me your ways!”

Sometimes my milk would come out too forcefully, causing them to choke and gag (and then cry of course,) sometimes they’d be so fussy I’d be convinced they weren’t getting anything, so I’d hand express to check and multiple streams would shoot across the room. Poor babies.

Later, they became too easily distracted to breastfeed efficiently. Even when being fed one at a time, the twin I was trying to nurse would latch on, suck for 15 seconds, then unlatch and look around, then require help relatching, another 15-second snack, look around. Repeat. Or she’d latch, then try to turn her head the entire other direction to stare at something else. My poor, sad, abused nipples.

Sometimes they wouldn’t even breastfeed at all, and would instead immediately scream with horror at the mere sight of my boob. That does wonders for your self-esteem, as you might imagine.

The more breastfeeding frustrated me, the more I turned to bottles. I decided I’d exclusively pump and just bottle feed them. That way they were still getting my milk but without the hassle of breastfeeding when they clearly didn’t want to.

The problem with that is, as I mentioned, we depleted the freezer stash. So in order to feed both babies, I was stuck in a constant stressful loop of trying to stay on top of pumping enough for their needs. At any given time there was no more than 4 ounces of pumped milk in the fridge. Around this time the babies also decided they hated the formula I had. They would literally gag if I tried to give it to them. So it was expressed milk or nothing.

(I should add, that through all of this they would still breastfeed overnight so I don’t understand their daytime aversion to breastfeeding.) 

I felt like I was drowning. I’d be struggling to entertain and feed 2 babies during every wake window, then after getting them down for their naps I’d rush to set up to pump so I’d have something to feed them when they woke up. I never had a single moment to just catch my breath. My mental health was suffering, big time.

For most pumping sessions I’d get anywhere from 3-5 ounces. Not terrible but also not ideal for feeding two hungry babies.

Then one day I sat down to pump and could only get an ounce. I panicked. My supply seemed to be dropping and I knew my days of being able to feed my babies breastmilk were numbered.

I tried power pumping (more information on that can be found here) to try to boost my supply and it helped a little bit. But I still knew I had to do something to save our breastfeeding experience.

How I changed everything

Something had to change or I was going to lose my mind. 

First of all, I had to make some decisions.

I decided the girls would be exclusively formula-fed, that I would continue to pump to build a freezer stash, and that I’d continue to offer to breastfeed if they showed signs they wanted to. I was hoping that the frequent pumping plus infrequent breastfeeding would maintain my supply at least somewhat and that if I knew they had the formula to eat it might take some of the pressure off me to pump more than I was able to.

I bought new formula. The girls clearly hated the formula we had, so I tossed it and bought something new. Well, actually I rebought a formula they had tried previously and had consumed with no problems. They accepted it again with no issues, and so that’s what I fed them.

Gradually my supply did increase. I was able to start building my freezer stash and added a couple dozen ounces in a few days. That was a huge weight off my mind. And a funny thing happened, both twins started wanting to breastfeed more. Often they’d shove their bottle away and reach for me instead, even if the bottle contained breastmilk, which made me feel pretty amazing.

The biggest change I made however was my own attitude. I had to make myself let go of the idea that I was failing if I stopped breastfeeding, in order to continue breastfeeding. I know that might not make sense to anyone but me but when I shifted my mindset and stopped letting myself feel defeated by my struggles I was able to see the process in a new light and that helped me discover new ways to make it more successful for us.

It’s not perfect and it will change

The twins will be 6 months old soon, so we’re currently half a year into our breastfeeding journey. When I was feeling extremely frustrated with the whole thing I told myself to try to just make it to 6 months and then I would/could quit. But now that it’s approaching I don’t want to stop.

We’re still figuring it out. Some days one baby will refuse to breastfeed while her sister refuses a specific bottle.

It’s frustrating sometimes, it’s beautiful sometimes.

Why I Don’t Dress My Twins In Matching Outfits

People ask me a lot why I don’t dress my babies in matching outfits and the simple answer is: Because I don’t want to.

Ok, Ok, perhaps the simple version is a bit too snarky so allow me to explain.

It seems pretty common to dress twins, or even just siblings, in matching outfits. My Instagram feed is full of them and I’ll admit it’s super cute. But, it’s not my absolute favourite sibling clothing aesthetic. I’m actually a huge fan of the look that’s more like, “this kind of could go together, but not quite.” One twin in stripes and the other in florals, with a similar colour palette? Yes, please. 😍

Personally I use my twins clothing as one of the ways I tell them apart. Since they were born, I’ve discovered a lot of little ways to tell who is who, but it doesn’t always work so well when looking back at photos. Different outfits helps jog my memory, and helps me easily tell other people which twin is in each picture.

I’m trying to foster a sense of individuality in any tiny way I can right from the beginning. Right now they share everything, it’s simply not practical to do otherwise, and I know throughout life they’ll get mistaken for each other and lumped together constantly because their faces and birthdays match. So in any small way that I’m able to say, “These are 2 separate, individual people.” I’m going to express that.

And the final, perhaps the biggest reason is that it gets expensive buying two matching copies of everything and honestly, for me that’s kind of a waste of money. I’d rather buy coordinated sets that come in bundles, look cute together but don’t exactly match, and end up with more unique pieces than a closet full of duplicate outfits.

I’m not against matching outfits by any stretch of the imagination. The girls have some duplicate outfits I’ve bought that I’m excited to dress them in (though my instincts are already thinking of ways to make each unique instead of exactly the same.) And we’ve had some gifted to us that I’m just dying to see them wear. I Ooh and Aah over twins dressed alike as much as the next person.

I’m just not going out of my way to buy my twins an entirely matching wardrobe.

The First Month With Twins

One month down.

I don’t believe I ever officially announced that the babies were born here on this blog. New mom-brain. And epic fail to not even announce your babies on a mom blog.

A little over a month ago, my twin baby girls were born. They came early, at 34 weeks+2 days, and spent 2 weeks in the NICU after the fact. I’m working on writing their birth story at the moment…kind of.

Now they’re home, and I’m learning to adjust to having 2 tiny, demanding, helpless humans. To say my hands are full would be an understatement. Working on much of anything has taken a backward but hopefully that will improve over time.

Over the last month I’ve really struggled with how much harder having 2 at a time is compared to just 1. Everything has been a struggle as I learn to feed, carry, and change 2 at once. It’s definitely been a juggling act, and much harder than I expected.

Oh but they are so cute though and the calm moments when we cuddle happily are the moments I live for.

It’s so amazing learning their personalities and getting to know them. I was so worried about getting them mixed up – I even left their hospital bracelets on for weeks as a way to tell them apart – but I’ve discovered enough subtle differences to tell them apart now which helps a lot.

Find More Of My Content:

I also write on Medium, I recently posted about how much I am hating breastfeeding lately. I also posted about how much I struggled while my babies were in the NICU, as well as a story about how much more difficult I found it being pregnant in my late 30s vs my early 20s.

I’m going to just end this post here, as I’m pretty sure I have diapers to change and babies to feed. Drop me a comment with your best piece of advice for raising twins!

Personal Updates (+ Pictures!)

This blog has been a little quiet lately as I’ve been focusing on other projects as well as growing these babies. So I thought rather than posting about any specific topic, I’d just post a quick update here as well as maybe link to some of the things I’ve been working on lately.

How Are The Babies Doing?

The twins are doing pretty good. They’re definitely coming earlier than expected, which has been a weird emotional rollercoaster for me.

I’m excited to meet them but obviously worried that being born too early could be bad for them.

Currently I’m exactly 34 weeks pregnant and while I won’t say precisely when they will be joining us I’ll say it is soon. (The main reason for early delivery has to do with blood flow issues that indicate that the placenta isn’t doing the work that it needs to be doing to keep them both healthy inside my body much longer.)

So at the moment I’m just staying positive, getting prepared, and trusting in the doctors who are tasked with helping us welcome these little ones into the world.

Physically, I’m incredibly uncomfortable and in that weird limbo state of feeling “done” while also feeling “not ready yet.”

My Favourite Baby Products

We’ve been so absolutely spoiled by friends and family members lately, and it’s been so appreciated. These are some of my favourite things we’ve either received or purchased ourselves over the last few months that I’m really excited about (click the picture to view on purchase on Amazon – these are affiliate links which means I will possibly earn a small commission if you purchase through them, but you are in no way obligated to)

Maternity Pictures

My daughter took some maternity pictures for me recently. I wanted some nice ones before this pregnancy was done, and she was sweet enough to offer to help. I love how they turned out, even though I picked a bad time of day to get them done and the sun kind of made things difficult, but I’m happy with them.

Youtube Videos

I started uploading videos on Youtube about a year or so ago, for no real reason other than I wanted to learn how the platform works and I thought it would be an interesting challenge to learn how to edit videos.

In recent months I’ve been uploading videos specifically about my pregnancy, you can find the most recent one below. I’ve also posted a few general pregnancy updates you can see if you go visit my channel (if you have a Youtube channel as well, please leave me the link and I’ll come subscribe to you!)

Social Media Links

Follow me around on various other platforms if you’d like!


I hope if you’re reading this you’re doing well, if you’re expecting a baby any time over the next 9 months or so let me know how far along you are and how you’re feeling.

Stay safe and I’ll be back with another new post soon hopefully!

Finding Out I’m Carrying Mono-di Twins, What That Means and How It changes Pregnancy

(Feature photo by Edwin Ariel Valladares from Pexels)

When I recently found out I’m pregnant, it was a pretty big shock. Only because of how long it took to get pregnant and I had somewhat given up, of course, not because I’m somehow unaware of how babies are made. Finding out shortly after that I was expecting twins was a…well double shock I guess you could say. The surprises were going to keep coming of course as I quickly learned that when it comes to twin pregnancies, things can be drastically different compared to singleton pregnancies. So even if you’ve had babies before and think, “I know what to expect,” there’s a very good chance that No, no you don’t know what to expect.

Mono-Di Twins?

The next unexpected bit of news that came along was at my first appointment with my new OB, when he informed me that it turns out my twins are what is called monochorionic diamniotic twins (mono-di or MCDA twins) which essentially means they are each in their own sac, but sharing a placenta. This can come with it’s own set of complications, the main one that was explained to me is the risk of something called Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.

I’m going to pause here briefly to state I am in no way a medical professional or an expert on this topic in any way shape or form. Everything I write here is purely what I have learned from my own searching, paired with some of what my doctor told me and wrapped up in a little bow of my own feelings and experiences. I make no assurances that any of this is completely accurate at all. I strongly advise anyone dealing with this same issue, or even just curious, to seek out their own information from a reliable source as this blog is meant to be a collection of my thoughts and experiences, and should not be mistaken as containing medical advice or medical knowledge.

What is Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome?

How I understand it, Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) is essentially an imbalance in the nutrients each twin is receiving via the placenta. One twin (the donor twin) gives away more than it receives and the other twin (the recipient twin) receives too much, and so both twins are at a risk of various complications.

That’s the most simple version. I could elaborate but to be completely honest going into all the various scenarios makes me feel a little uncomfortable. As I stated above, I encourage anyone curious to know more to seek out details from a more reputable source to get the full picture.

So What Does This Mean For This Pregnancy?

One big change this causes for this pregnancy compared to when I was pregnant with my daughter is that this one needs to be monitored a LOT more. When I was pregnant with my daughter I had a grand total of two ultrasounds. With this pregnancy I’ve already had three, and I have two more booked, and there will likely be several more in our future. Pretty much every two weeks, I need to have another ultrasound. Basically they need to be able to keep a close eye on the twins to ensure they’re growing at the same rate and to watch for signs of TTTS or various other complications.

Carrying these types of twins also can potentially require more specialized care. Being pregnant with twins at all is often enough to put the pregnancy in the “High Risk” category from what I understand. But adding this into the mix means we’re definitely there. I had to be referred to a different OB more specialized to handle delivering twins, as well as another specialist focused on high risk pregnancies. In the last week I’ve been getting multiple calls a day to schedule various appointments at multiple different places and it definitely made my head spin a little. Unfortunately for me, all of this new medical support team aren’t actually located in the town I live in but rather the nearest large city so I’ll be doing some commuting to ensure these babies are safe. Absolutely worth it of course, but definitely something I wasn’t expecting.

On the plus side, I should get very familiar with the hospital I will eventually have to deliver at, so that’s nice.

Twins often come early. I did a bit of Googling and found that about 36 weeks is the average pregnancy length with twins. If the twins start showing signs of TTTS, one of the potential courses of action is to deliver early. There’s no definitive answer on how early as it’s all entirely dependent on how the babies continue to grow, but there is a good chance my Expected in October babies might just grace us with their presence sometime in September instead.

Obviously early delivery can also result in it’s own set of unexpected issues such as longer hospital stays or various health issues and concerns. I’ve basically already come to terms with the fact that I will very likely need a c-section and that the babies might need to stay at the hospital longer than expected. Neither of those things make me particularly happy but I’m realistic enough to know that it’s a possibility and if that’s what it comes down to, there’s a valid reason why it’s necessary and I’m ok with that.

There Is No Need To Panic

When I first heard all of this, I will admit I did start to panic. I was so scared and completely overwhelmed, especially for all these new details, concerns, risks, specialists and appointments. I’ve since done some (A LOT of) reading and I’ve found a lot of great articles and resources that reassured my fears somewhat. I discovered that the chance of both babies being perfectly fine and healthy is much higher than I had originally thought, and that was very comforting. Additionally, the sheer fact that the twins are going to be monitored as much as they are makes me feel pretty hopeful that we’re all going to be in good hands and well cared for.

I have yet to meet any of these new medical professionals I’ll surely be getting to know very well over the next several months, but I’m choosing to be optimistic about the whole thing. There’s really not much else I can do to take charge of the situation, and I happen to believe in the power of positive thinking at least to a certain degree.

Links To Some Of The Articles I Read (if you’d like to learn more)

Columbia University Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology explaining what monochorionic diamniotic twins are.

This comprehensive guide and information of all things related to Mono-Di twins and TTTS (and other conditions I found over on Wiley’s Obstetrics and Gynecology Hub.


Leave a comment if you’d like and let me know your thoughts. I’d especially love hearing from other twin parents who might have encouraging stories to share.

Stay safe everyone!